Baby 3.0 - 40w6d

I've been neglecting this blog, but really wanted to get my thoughts down before our family changes again <3

I am hopefully days (hours, minutes...please!!!) away from delivering our third and final baby. This is such a bitter/sweet time for me that i often wish i could freeze these days and remember always how it feels RIGHT NOW!

Munchkin: You are amazing! Amazing, and spastic! How does one child have so much endless energy, wonder and creativity? I feel awful throwing out your artwork that just piles and piles up on the counter and in folders and drawers! I love your little notes to me, daddy, little bear and blue, and i love that for Valentines day you want to make your school friends heart shaped valentines each with their own special message. Car rides always entail lengthy make believe story which i really REALLY do try and follow 70% of the time! Thank you for always helping us around the house and being so willing to take out the trash, set the table and help mommy. Its so fun to hear about your tales from school and the complex dynamic first relationships that you are forming. Just last week your friend Anna left her gloves on the bus so you grabbed them and begged me to drive you to her house to drop them off. I'm so proud of you for always being so caring and loving, so of course we took the short drive down the road to drop off Anna's gloves. You are sensitive and thoughtful and so sweet and loving with your little brother, and i have no doubt that you will be an equally amazing big sister to this new baby. Always know that you can be and do whatever you want to be. Remember, the important things DO take a lot of hard work but are so worth it!

Little Bear: Oh my little man, how special you are. Such a boy and soooo much like daddy! Just yesterday as i left for work you were getting out of bed to come into our room. "You going to work mama?" "Yup, I'm going to work." "Ok, i sleep with daddy, shut off the light!" JUST like your daddy; would prefer to sleep in a cave where as i have (NEED) night lights all around the house! I love our days together reading the same books over and over (Go dogs go, the firetruck book and Things that go), playing the matching game, puzzles and our afternoon naps. When i was pregnant with you I remember laying in munchkins bed, cuddled up tight, and literally feeling you wiggling between us. It made me sad at the time to think of that new baby (YOU!) that was coming into our lives and may change my relationship with your sister. Here i am again with you, and during those daily naps on the couch i often feel this baby wiggling (You call it JUMPING!), and i now know that yes things will change i also know how much this sibling will add to your life and how beneficial it will be to learn the delicate art of waiting your turn, and patience and sharing. Something, dont tell your sister this, that already comes easier to you than munchkin! You are so outgoing and adventurist, and I can already tell that you'll be riding your bike on 2 wheels this summer and flinging yourself off the dock at nana and poppie's lake house! Since day 1 you have given me an outsiders look into the mind of men, and i love raising a little boy! I love being a mommy to you! Could you please just knock it off with all the poopy talk? K Thanks!

I keep asking daddy how our house could possibly get ANY louder at night. I simply cannot imagine having 3 children running laps, pushing dump trucks and playing puppy and kitty....and I'm pretty sure it may be this noise that is keeping your little brother and sister inside just a tad bit longer! But, i will treasure this time. I never feel more confident in my skin than when i am pregnant, i dont know why that is...but i love seeing my body change and i love feeling my babies move. I keep telling myself that this will be the last time i will be pregnant with one of my babies (have considered being a surrogate in the future - but thats a whole other blog!) and have them all to myself. Of course i love to cuddle and smell and nurse a squishy newborn, but there is nothing like knowing this new little person is with me, inside me, every day feeling my feeling and experiencing my life from within. It always amazes me how after birth i look at my new baby and think "Of COURSE...it was YOU!" It shouldn't surprise me though, for after all during these months not only have you felt and gotten to know me, but i have felt and learned about you in a way that only a mother could understand.

Take your time little one, for i trust you to know when you are ready to join our family. Until then i will treasure every kick and try and ignore the inability to take a deep breath, the pain of walking with a feeling that my hips will dislocate at any moment, and the 30 minute process of finding a comfortable sleeping position at night! These discomforts are all fleeting and while i might complain and MAY be a bit more cranky these last few weeks, i know that it is all worth it for YOU!

Daddy has just one request...please come before or after Sunday because he REALLY wants to watch the super bowl. Just had to throw that out there for his sake. As for me, any time! We cant wait to meet you and have your sweet voice add to the crazy noise of our little home!

Kindergarten: is this normal?!

I'm really trying to not be THAT mother. You know, the one that complains because her kid didn't get the same amount of playing time as another kid, or the mother that thinks the teachers are working the kids too hard. I'm trying...I'm really trying... BUT I'm also really concerned that my daughter isn't in a good fostering a love for school and learning type environment.

I'm really conflicted. One one hand you will deal with people your entire life that you don't always necessarily get along with, and i recognize that its a good life lesson to encounter all different types of people and personalities. However; shouldn't a teacher, ya know...umm...LIKE KIDS?!

Trying to be open and not emotional about this here, but I'm really considering taking her out of kindergarten before finishing the year. Please tell me if I'm crazy and irrational....

So, just a few examples:

1) This teacher is wayyyy different than me and i feel at times like she almost bullies the kids and is negatively influencing my child. A few weeks ago i came to pick her up and she showed me all the bunnies that they decorated hanging on the wall. The first thing she pointed out was "Look at this one mommy...Lucas did a SLOPPY job!" ummm.....WOAHHHHHH! Those arent my words, THAT is not being taught at home. I feel like a good part of my day i spend un-doing what she is learning at school. We talk about how everyone is different and how art is different to every person, and that its important to try hard and do your best but we NEVER put down someone else's work.

2) Munchkin has said that the teacher has "grabbed her arm," "thrown her notebook on the ground" and told some of the other kids that her "M's look like birds" because she wasn't writing them correctly. I've spoken to the teacher about several of these things and i keep getting a spin on it, like munchkin didn't interpret it correctly, or that the teacher was joking and has a funny sense of humor. hmmm...

3) (out comes the obnoxious mother). The teachers has gold coins for the kids. They have a reward system solely based on doing work correctly. When they reach 10 check marks they get a gold coin. Its the end of March and muchkin has never gotten a gold coin. About a month ago she had 7, but didn't pick up after herself when she was playing with some toys and all her check marks were taken away. It makes me really sad, and i dont want her to feel bad about herself as she is seeing all these other kids getting coins. I mean for the love of god, give her a fucking coin at least once in the school year!

I don't know, am i crazy? Is there a positive spin on these things that I'm just not seeing?

Lastly, out of the 12 kids in her class munchkin is at the very bottom. I know this, she knows this, the other kids know this. Her teacher actually told her last week (TOLD HER, NOT ME) that she was afraid that she was going to "drown in first grade." She is the youngest in the class and will just turn 6 at the end of June, but not only that....THIS is an example of her weekly spelling words:

bump
camp
cap
clap
crop
cup
damp
drip
drop
dump
flip
flop
help
hop
lamp
lap
lip
lollipop
lump
map
nap
pan
pants
pat
pen
peg
pest
pet
picnic
pig
pin
plan
planet
plant
plastic
plug
plum
plus
pond
pot
pop
puff
pump
pup
puppet
rip
ramp
scraps
sip
slip
snap
spend
spin
spot
stamp
stop
stump
tap
tip
top
problem

Am i the only one that thinks this is absolutely ridiculous?! 61 freakin words every single week for a 5 year old?!

Damn, i mean i want my kids to reach their full potential, but more than that i want them to be HAPPY and feel good about themselves and enjoy the things they are doing. I see a little girl that is stressed all the time, never wants to go to school, and feels bad about herself because she sits and does remedial work while the other kids get to play outside. I dont know what to do.

So help! Either talk me down or tell me that my mommy instincts are right.

They have eggs and milk in THAT?!

For the last few years i have toyed back and forth with trying out a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle. I hate thinking about the way the animals that will eventually become our food are kept. So, its just been easier not to think about it, and not think about the horrible life that they live before ultimately being slaughtered and becoming a cheap 99 cent cheese burger. For meat prices to be affordable corners have to be cut, and unfortunately its with the animal, and ultimately OUR health.

I'm a picky eater, i always have been, but especially about meat. And again, its often easier not to think about it, OR LOOK AT IT, to get me over the intrusive thoughts that start pouring in. I love to cook, i really do, but doing anything with meat always just makes me feel nauseous. The other night i was cutting chicken and as always i took off the skin, then the fat, then the cartilage piece that holds the breasts together, then i cut off any little piece of blood and veins and anything that reminds me of how my body is held together inside. Eventually i give up on the veins and go back in my little "I love fried meat" bubble to forget about all the veins that are still there.

But whats left? Not much actual meat to be eaten. It drives Dave nuts over how much meat i always throw out, and as someone who really is bothered by the inhumane treatment of these very animals i end up feeling like i am contributing to the waste of these lives. And i am.

So, I'm just going to stop. For 2 weeks anyway, and give eating Vegan a real go. I'm going to give it 2 weeks and see how i feel. A few of my girlfriends have become vegan for the last 9 months....and they look AMAZING! Both of them have lost a bunch of weight, tell me that they have so much more energy and just feel so good. I've decided to try it, and at the very least this will give me the chance to actually learn how to cook things like lentils, beans, tofu and all those foods that have always intimidated me (and that i have never had!)

Today was day one, and also conveniently our grocery shopping day. We had absolutely nothing in the house for breakfast that would work....so i just had a granola bar while the kids and Dave ate eggs. It was over a 90 min shopping trip where i looked at hundreds of labels and have come to the conclusion that there is eggs and milk in EVERYTHING! Seriously, even in the frozen veggie section there was not one veggie package that did not have one or both ingredients. Why the hell is there milk in frozen green bean almondine?! I of course also learned that the granola bar i had for breakfast had milk and eggs in it too - Fail # 1.

I really want to do this right, so i would appreciate any advice or thoughts on how to eat a healthy balanced Vegan diet. I'm already taking a multivitamin, and I'm especially concerned about getting enough calcium and vitamin D, as I'm breastfeeding. I'm really trying to avoid just eating pasta and red sauce for the next 2 weeks, so i'll be posting my meal menu every day to help keep me accountable. I'd love your feedback!
Thanks, Erin

Day 1

Breakfast: Mocha Granola Bar* had milk and eggs in it.
Snack: Craisins
Lunch: Avacado and carrot sushi rolls. They were from market basket though, big mistake, and were pretty bad. Had 3 of them. Also ate Edamame....was still starving and had a big peanut butter sandwich.
Snack
Dinner

Goodbye Nutting Road

Tomorrow we move out of the first home our family has ever lived in, and I'm feeling more than a little nostalgic.

For the first 6 months of our marriage Dave and I lived with my parents, saving money and preparing for the arrival of our little daughter. When the opportunity came up for first time home-buyers to get a great deal buying a condo in our home town, we jumped at the chance! Of course there were many applicants and a lottery was held at the town library to choose the buyers. I was 8 months pregnant when i waddled in there hoping, praying...WILLING the powers that be, that we would be chosen. Thankfully, my little bean was already considered a person, and 3 and 4 family households had top priority...we got the 4th out of 8 available condos!

That night i met another woman, wearing a halter top, looking AMAZING....2 weeks after giving birth! I promised myself that i would have to hate her for being so pretty. But in truth, she has become a wonderful, amazing, dear friend. We have shared so much, and been through so much together that it literally makes me sick to think about leaving without her. Almost no day playing outside (slip and slide, sledding, bike riding) was without her and her kiddos. They have been like our family here, and we have been blessed to have our children grow up aside hers. Becky come with us, we love you! Who is going to text me when my garage is open now?!





By the time we were ready to move in, little K was 3 months old. I can remember sitting in the builders office, nursing her, while we picked out carpet, linoleum and cabinet patterns. This was no small feet for 20-something year olds who had never owned a house, decorated their own room or designed a thing! Thankfully (by the grace of God) we chose to have grey carpets which i must say have really held up well for the last 5 years and show minimum smeared banana, throw up and pee stains! (Hey, i have 2 young kids - it happens!)



Gosh it seems like a million years ago when we had that baby girl jumping in her jumperoo, ponytail on the top of her head, big chubby cheeked smile, squealing in that upstairs bedroom. Of course, its not just her bedroom anymore; 18 months ago her little brother came into the world....in this very house.





These walls have heard our life, our family over the last 5 years. They've heard WAYYY too many nursery rhymes and replays of the same song over and over (most recently "Teenage Dream" the version by Glee). They've heard our arguments as we grew as husband and wife and learned how to live with another person, discover each others quirks, and grow as individuals and together as a team. This house has heard so much laughter and love, so many giggles, coo's and more than its share of tears. It has witness both of my babies' first wobbly steps and the stomping of their running little feet. Sometimes, both the kids even sleep...and its actually been quiet (Not often though).







I love this place. I love that the "duck" pond is down the road, i love the huge swing-set in the back and the dozens of kids for my children to play with. I love the old train track that leads to East Boston Camps, and that i can literally walk to Dunkin Donuts! This place also ties me to my childhood and i love that it is smack dab in between where 3 of my high school friends lived. I remember running down my street with an ex boyfriend after a party was broken up by the cops, ironically a route that i now run routinely.

We've had 5 Halloweens, 5 Thanksgivings, 5 Christmas's, and 5 Easters here. This was the house that dropped an icicle on Dave's car Christmas morning denting the roof and shattering the windshield! We've worn out that welcome mat so much that you can no longer see the initial of our last name, but you certainly CAN see all of those 5 years of scratch marks on our kitchen table. Reminder: Next time, get a hard wood.



This next part may not make sense or seem important to anyone else, but i need to write it down so i never forget it. I LOVE that every night as i walk up the stairs to put my sleeping baby in their crib, i can see my shadow on the wall due to the light outside shinning through the window below the stairs. Each night i watch my shadow and those little, ever growing, legs and feet bounce slightly as i climb. That wall has seen me make the trip thousands of times with my babies, cuddled in my arms, already off dreaming somewhere magical.

It's time though. We need more space for our growing family, the kids need their own room and GOD do we need another bathroom! I love the backyard here, but there aren't any trees or place to explore in the woods. I want my children to wander in the woods as i did, and to climb trees and bring home tadpoles. I want to get a dog, and chickens and to plant a garden.

Logically, i know that this house is only made of wood, and that home will always be where our family is together. I'm just sad that this stage of my life if ending, and i cant help but be scared that life will never be this good or easy again. I'm sad to see the baby stage ending and that our playroom may never transform from baby toys to infant toys, toddler toys, preschool toys, and back, ever again. But, as the ever-optimistic ex teenybopper, i just KNOW our new house will be amazing and so will that next period of our life.

As the sign over our kitchen says "A house is made of bricks and beams, a HOME is made of love and dreams." and we have pleanty of that to go around!

Little bear. A year in review

Munchkin's Easter Eggs

Doesnt it always seem that before a holiday or special event (where lots of pictures will be taken) that children will get a huge bruise or rug burn? In my darling daughters case, she now has had huge bruises on Easter twice. Let us exam her Easter history:

Here she is in 2006 on her first Easter, unable to crawl and thus avoiding any bruises that year

Here in 2007 no bruises....we were obviously good over-protective parents back then.


Easter 2008 - Sporting not one but TWO bruises! Yay for crazy 2 year olds!


2009 she somehow avoided any battle scars (but refused to smile for any pictures, oh well)


And here we are in 2010, 5 days away from Easter. At my parents house the other night she reached down to grab something and SLAMMED her head into their glass table. The sound created from this made me absolutely nauseous!

After a little ice and a cool compress...


...she is sporting the monster egg of all time on her forehead!


We decided today to make some REAL Easter eggs, and the kids had a blast! Its the first time i've done it too, but i knew it was going to be a very messy process! So I had munchkin put on one of Daddy's old t-shirts ( you know, one of the ones I'm always trying to get rid of because its so old and I'm hoping he'll finally open the new pack of undershirts he got 3 Christmas's ago).


First we carefully picked 6 perfect eggs!



I then used a safety pin to put a hole in the top and bottom of the egg. Making the hole on the wider bottom bigger than the hole on the top. I put the pin inside again to scrambled the egg and be sure to break the yolk. And then....munchkin blew out the insides!



I was planning on using the egg to make scrambled eggs or some muffins, but after it was done there were hundreds of tiny pieces of shell in the bowl. I was pretty bummed because i hate wasting food like that.

Little bear had fun watching us too - he ate some toast and banged on a stool with spoons. Which, if you have an 8 month old at home, you know is about the most fun you could ever have!



After the eggs were all washed and then dried we put them in their own color dye. Munchkin loved mixing them around to make sure the color was spread on evenly, and this is where i was glad she was wearing that old shirt!



After some time to dry then, and some beautiful decorative art and stickers we now have a half dozen of the prettiest Easter eggs around!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Tomorrow is the first day i will be starting my career as a nurse. I passed my boards 2 weeks ago and have been hired by the practice i have worked at for the last 7 years. So here it is, the culmination of 7 1/2 years of college. I have spent the better part of the last decade dreaming about what this day would be like and where i would be. I want to remember this time of my life, i want to remember this exact day. I am not burnt out or desensitized (as so many nurses say will happen if you stay in a place too long), but rather i am estatic and anxious to start working, to start helping people. I want to be that patient advocate that i've been molded to be for the last 7 years of my life. I want to be that person that can calm a new frantic mother or reach out to a depressed teen. In study after study nurses are named as the people that are trusted the most in this society. I want to earn that trust and live up to my title. I vow here and now to never forget the simple things, the things that make all the difference; a backrub, a hand to hold, a person who will sit with you in your time of need. THIS is the reason i became a nurse. Sure, i will hand out meds and spend the majority of my time doing paperwork and triaging ear infections. But the important part, the patients, will always get 110% of my effort and my support.

But thats not the only part of my life that is worth reflecting over. My family is amazing and changing before my eyes. My little man is learning to crawl. Hubby says he looks like an inch worm; he gets up on his knees, thrusts his chest forward, falls on his belly and then scoots his knees up to inch forward. He does it pretty darn fast too. Time to bust out the baby gates! He's been sleeping on his belly for the last few weeks and sleeps much better that way. We are signing him up to start daycare one day a week while i am working, and while this saddens me like you have no idea, we know he will be safe and loved by the teachers at his daycare. Our muchkin K has been going there for 2 1/2 years and the teachers are like family at this point. She will be there too and be able to keep an eye on her little brother and give him some kisses if he needs them.



Munchkin is blossoming into a wonderful little lady. Can you believe we are signing her up for Kindergarten next week?! She loves to talk to people when we are out and tell them EVERYTHING, and my mother swears her personality is just as mine was at her age. She is witty and clever and i am so proud of the little person she is becoming. Last weekend we were shopping with some good friends and D was holding the baby when someone pointed out a tie that he might like to wear to work. He explained that he could wear "this" (meaning his jeans and t-shirt) to work and no one would care. Without missing a beat K busted out with, "You can wear B to work?!"



D and I have been looking at houses and mini vans and talking a lot about our future and where we'll be in a year. This is such an exciting time in our lives and I love spending it with my best friend. The Olympics are on, the weather is warming, i am doing Bikram 3-5 days a week and we have started to incorporate a new cleaner diet into our lives.

Life is good!